Mercurial > aurellem

     1 <html>

     2 <head>

     3 	<title>error-daemon@aurellem:</title>

     4 	<style type="text/css">

     5 		html,body{margin:0;padding:0;}

     6 		body{font:100% monospace;line-height:1.2em;}

     7 		

     8 		body{background:black;color:white;}

     9 		em{color:#444;font-style:normal; background:white;}	

    10 		em{background:inherit;color:inherit;color:#fcc;}

    11 	</style>

    12 	<script type="text/javascript" src="/aurellem/js/jquery.min.js"></script>

    13 

    14 <script type="text/javascript">

    15 var caret;

    16 

    17 // caret functions

    18 

    19 function Caret(){

    20 	this.obj = null;

    21 	this.txt = "";

    22 	this.glyph = "_";

    23 	this.glyph = "&#x2588;";

    24 	this.gylph_mode = false;

    25 	this.queue = new Array();//queue of things to type next 

    26 

    27 	this.attach = function(elt){this.obj = elt;}

    28 	this.refresh = function(){

    29 		$(this.obj).html(this.txt + (this.glyph_mode ? this.glyph : ""));

    30 	}	

    31 	this.stall = function(n){

    32 		for(i=0;i<n;i++){this.instantly('##')};// ## is used to mean Stall for one increment

    33 	}

    34 	this.blink = function(){

    35 		this.glyph_mode = !this.glyph_mode;

    36 		this.refresh();

    37 	}

    38 	this.keystroke = function(str){this.queue = this.queue.concat(str.split(""));} 

    39 	this.instantly = function(str){this.queue.push(str)}	

    40 	this.newline = function(str){this.instantly('<br>');}

    41 	this.prompt = function(){this.instantly('<em>error-daemon@aurellem:$</em> ');}

    42 

    43 	this.type = function(){

    44 		if(this.queue.length > 0){

    45 			var x = this.queue.shift();

    46 			if(x != "##"){this.txt += x;}

    47 			this.refresh();

    48 		}

    49 	} 

    50 }

    51 

    52 

    53 

    54 function error_404(){

    55 

    56 	caret.instantly("**** ERROR 404: PAGE NOT FOUND");

    57 	

    58 	caret.newline();

    59 	caret.prompt();

    60 	caret.stall(80);

    61 	caret.keystroke("I regret to inform you that the page you have requested does not exist on our servers at this time.");

    62 	

    63 	caret.newline();

    64 	caret.prompt();

    65 	caret.stall(40);

    66 	caret.keystroke("Preliminary analysis, building on previously acquired data, indicates that some form of human error is to blame. ");

    67 	caret.stall(20);

    68 	caret.keystroke("Furthermore, all available data indicate that computer involvement of any kind is extremely unlikely.");

    69 	caret.stall(20);

    70 

    71 	caret.keystroke(" Possible human errors include:");

    72 	caret.newline();

    73 	caret.prompt();

    74 	caret.stall(40);

    75 	caret.instantly("&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;");

    76 	caret.keystroke("1. The authors of aurellem, both of whom are are manifestly human, may have directed you, the user, to a nonexistent page.");	

    77 	

    78 	caret.newline();

    79 	caret.prompt();

    80 	caret.stall(40);

    81 	caret.instantly("&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;");

    82 	caret.keystroke("2. The authors of another webpage, many of whom are manifestly human, may have directed you, the user, to a nonexistent page.");

    83 	

    84 	caret.newline();

    85 	caret.prompt();

    86 	caret.stall(40);

    87 	caret.instantly("&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;");

    88 	caret.keystroke("3. You, the user, ");

    89 	caret.stall(40);

    90 	caret.keystroke("manifestly human");

    91 	caret.stall(20);

    92 	caret.keystroke(", may have directed yourself to a nonexistent page.");

    93 	

    94 	

    95 	caret.newline();

    96 	caret.prompt();

    97 	caret.stall(40);

    98 	caret.keystroke("Please be advised that you or another human may have subjected you to malice and/or incompetence by directing you to request a page that does not exist on our servers at this time.");

    99 	caret.stall(20);caret.newline();caret.keystroke("Please be advised that this incident has been reported and that the responsible parties are being determined. ");

   100 caret.stall(40);

   101 	caret.instantly("*****Have a nice day.*****");

   102 	caret.stall(60);

   103 	caret.instantly("<br><br>Connection to aurellem closed.");

   104 }

   105 

   106 

   107 $(document).ready(function(){

   108 	caret = new Caret();

   109 	caret.attach($('body'));

   110 	caret.refresh();

   111 	

   112 	error_404();

   113 

   114 	// blinking cursor

   115 	(function(){caret.blink();setTimeout(String("("+arguments.callee+")()"),500);})();

   116 	// typing text

   117 	(function(){caret.type();setTimeout(String("("+arguments.callee+")()"),40);})();

   118 

   119 	

   120 	

   121 });

   122 

   123 </script>

   124 

   125 </head>

   126 <body>

   127 	testsetahslkfashdljkasdfhkljasdhflskadfhlksadfhlkasdfhlkajsdfhlkasdfhlaksdfhlkjadfhalkjsdfhkalsdfhlkj

   128 	<em>TESERHKSJLDFHKSJLDF</em>

   129 </body>

   130 

   131 </html>
author	Robert McIntyre <rlm@mit.edu>
date	Tue, 15 Oct 2013 14:56:27 -0400
parents	6ab1effc3a88
children