Mercurial > aurellem
diff html/err.html @ 1:12573db75437
added cute error page by dylan. Going to fix index page
| author | Robert McIntyre <rlm@mit.edu> |
|---|---|
| date | Mon, 17 Oct 2011 22:21:38 -0700 |
| parents | |
| children | 6ab1effc3a88 |
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1.1 --- /dev/null Thu Jan 01 00:00:00 1970 +0000 1.2 +++ b/html/err.html Mon Oct 17 22:21:38 2011 -0700 1.3 @@ -0,0 +1,131 @@ 1.4 +<html> 1.5 +<head> 1.6 + <title>error-daemon@aurellem:</title> 1.7 + <style type="text/css"> 1.8 + html,body{margin:0;padding:0;} 1.9 + body{font:100% monospace;line-height:1.2em;} 1.10 + 1.11 + body{background:black;color:white;} 1.12 + em{color:#444;font-style:normal; background:white;} 1.13 + em{background:inherit;color:inherit;color:#fcc;} 1.14 + </style> 1.15 + <script type="text/javascript" src="/aurellem/src/js/jquery.min.js"></script> 1.16 + 1.17 +<script type="text/javascript"> 1.18 +var caret; 1.19 + 1.20 +// caret functions 1.21 + 1.22 +function Caret(){ 1.23 + this.obj = null; 1.24 + this.txt = ""; 1.25 + this.glyph = "_"; 1.26 + this.glyph = "█"; 1.27 + this.gylph_mode = false; 1.28 + this.queue = new Array();//queue of things to type next 1.29 + 1.30 + this.attach = function(elt){this.obj = elt;} 1.31 + this.refresh = function(){ 1.32 + $(this.obj).html(this.txt + (this.glyph_mode ? this.glyph : "")); 1.33 + } 1.34 + this.stall = function(n){ 1.35 + for(i=0;i<n;i++){this.instantly('##')};// ## is used to mean Stall for one increment 1.36 + } 1.37 + this.blink = function(){ 1.38 + this.glyph_mode = !this.glyph_mode; 1.39 + this.refresh(); 1.40 + } 1.41 + this.keystroke = function(str){this.queue = this.queue.concat(str.split(""));} 1.42 + this.instantly = function(str){this.queue.push(str)} 1.43 + this.newline = function(str){this.instantly('<br>');} 1.44 + this.prompt = function(){this.instantly('<em>error-daemon@aurellem:$</em> ');} 1.45 + 1.46 + this.type = function(){ 1.47 + if(this.queue.length > 0){ 1.48 + var x = this.queue.shift(); 1.49 + if(x != "##"){this.txt += x;} 1.50 + this.refresh(); 1.51 + } 1.52 + } 1.53 +} 1.54 + 1.55 + 1.56 + 1.57 +function error_404(){ 1.58 + 1.59 + caret.instantly("**** ERROR 404: PAGE NOT FOUND"); 1.60 + 1.61 + caret.newline(); 1.62 + caret.prompt(); 1.63 + caret.stall(80); 1.64 + caret.keystroke("I regret to inform you that the page you have requested does not exist on our servers at this time."); 1.65 + 1.66 + caret.newline(); 1.67 + caret.prompt(); 1.68 + caret.stall(40); 1.69 + caret.keystroke("Preliminary analysis, building on previously acquired data, indicates that some form of human error is to blame. "); 1.70 + caret.stall(20); 1.71 + caret.keystroke("Furthermore, all available data indicate that computer involvement of any kind is extremely unlikely."); 1.72 + caret.stall(20); 1.73 + 1.74 + caret.keystroke(" Possible human errors include:"); 1.75 + caret.newline(); 1.76 + caret.prompt(); 1.77 + caret.stall(40); 1.78 + caret.instantly(" "); 1.79 + caret.keystroke("1. The authors of aurellem, both of whom are are manifestly human, may have directed you, the user, to a nonexistent page."); 1.80 + 1.81 + caret.newline(); 1.82 + caret.prompt(); 1.83 + caret.stall(40); 1.84 + caret.instantly(" "); 1.85 + caret.keystroke("2. The authors of another webpage, many of whom are manifestly human, may have directed you, the user, to a nonexistent page."); 1.86 + 1.87 + caret.newline(); 1.88 + caret.prompt(); 1.89 + caret.stall(40); 1.90 + caret.instantly(" "); 1.91 + caret.keystroke("3. You, the user, "); 1.92 + caret.stall(40); 1.93 + caret.keystroke("manifestly human"); 1.94 + caret.stall(20); 1.95 + caret.keystroke(", may have directed yourself to a nonexistent page."); 1.96 + 1.97 + 1.98 + caret.newline(); 1.99 + caret.prompt(); 1.100 + caret.stall(40); 1.101 + caret.keystroke("Please be advised that you or another human may have subjected you to malice and/or incompetence by directing you to request a page that does not exist on our servers at this time."); 1.102 + caret.stall(20);caret.newline();caret.keystroke("Please be advised that this incident has been reported and that the responsible parties are being determined. "); 1.103 +caret.stall(40); 1.104 + caret.instantly("*****Have a nice day.*****"); 1.105 + caret.stall(60); 1.106 + caret.instantly("<br><br>Connection to aurellem closed."); 1.107 +} 1.108 + 1.109 + 1.110 +$(document).ready(function(){ 1.111 + caret = new Caret(); 1.112 + caret.attach($('body')); 1.113 + caret.refresh(); 1.114 + 1.115 + error_404(); 1.116 + 1.117 + // blinking cursor 1.118 + (function(){caret.blink();setTimeout(String("("+arguments.callee+")()"),500);})(); 1.119 + // typing text 1.120 + (function(){caret.type();setTimeout(String("("+arguments.callee+")()"),40);})(); 1.121 + 1.122 + 1.123 + 1.124 +}); 1.125 + 1.126 +</script> 1.127 + 1.128 +</head> 1.129 +<body> 1.130 + testsetahslkfashdljkasdfhkljasdhflskadfhlksadfhlkasdfhlkajsdfhlkasdfhlaksdfhlkjadfhalkjsdfhkalsdfhlkj 1.131 + <em>TESERHKSJLDFHKSJLDF</em> 1.132 +</body> 1.133 + 1.134 +</html>