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1 <html>
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2 <head>
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3 <title>error-daemon@aurellem:</title>
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4 <style type="text/css">
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5 html,body{margin:0;padding:0;}
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6 body{font:100% monospace;line-height:1.2em;}
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7
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8 body{background:black;color:white;}
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9 em{color:#444;font-style:normal; background:white;}
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10 em{background:inherit;color:inherit;color:#fcc;}
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11 </style>
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12 <script type="text/javascript" src="/aurellem/js/jquery.min.js"></script>
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13
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14 <script type="text/javascript">
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15 var caret;
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16
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17 // caret functions
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18
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19 function Caret(){
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20 this.obj = null;
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21 this.txt = "";
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22 this.glyph = "_";
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23 this.glyph = "█";
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24 this.gylph_mode = false;
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25 this.queue = new Array();//queue of things to type next
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26
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27 this.attach = function(elt){this.obj = elt;}
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28 this.refresh = function(){
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29 $(this.obj).html(this.txt + (this.glyph_mode ? this.glyph : ""));
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30 }
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31 this.stall = function(n){
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32 for(i=0;i<n;i++){this.instantly('##')};// ## is used to mean Stall for one increment
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33 }
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34 this.blink = function(){
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35 this.glyph_mode = !this.glyph_mode;
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36 this.refresh();
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37 }
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38 this.keystroke = function(str){this.queue = this.queue.concat(str.split(""));}
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39 this.instantly = function(str){this.queue.push(str)}
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40 this.newline = function(str){this.instantly('<br>');}
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41 this.prompt = function(){this.instantly('<em>error-daemon@aurellem:$</em> ');}
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42
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43 this.type = function(){
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44 if(this.queue.length > 0){
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45 var x = this.queue.shift();
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46 if(x != "##"){this.txt += x;}
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47 this.refresh();
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48 }
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49 }
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50 }
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51
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52
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53
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54 function error_404(){
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55
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56 caret.instantly("**** ERROR 404: PAGE NOT FOUND");
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57
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58 caret.newline();
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59 caret.prompt();
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60 caret.stall(80);
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61 caret.keystroke("I regret to inform you that the page you have requested does not exist on our servers at this time.");
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62
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63 caret.newline();
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64 caret.prompt();
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65 caret.stall(40);
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66 caret.keystroke("Preliminary analysis, building on previously acquired data, indicates that some form of human error is to blame. ");
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67 caret.stall(20);
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68 caret.keystroke("Furthermore, all available data indicate that computer involvement of any kind is extremely unlikely.");
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69 caret.stall(20);
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70
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71 caret.keystroke(" Possible human errors include:");
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72 caret.newline();
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73 caret.prompt();
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74 caret.stall(40);
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75 caret.instantly(" ");
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76 caret.keystroke("1. The authors of aurellem, both of whom are are manifestly human, may have directed you, the user, to a nonexistent page.");
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77
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78 caret.newline();
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79 caret.prompt();
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80 caret.stall(40);
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81 caret.instantly(" ");
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82 caret.keystroke("2. The authors of another webpage, many of whom are manifestly human, may have directed you, the user, to a nonexistent page.");
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83
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84 caret.newline();
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85 caret.prompt();
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86 caret.stall(40);
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87 caret.instantly(" ");
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88 caret.keystroke("3. You, the user, ");
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89 caret.stall(40);
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90 caret.keystroke("manifestly human");
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91 caret.stall(20);
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92 caret.keystroke(", may have directed yourself to a nonexistent page.");
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93
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94
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95 caret.newline();
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96 caret.prompt();
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97 caret.stall(40);
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98 caret.keystroke("Please be advised that you or another human may have subjected you to malice and/or incompetence by directing you to request a page that does not exist on our servers at this time.");
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99 caret.stall(20);caret.newline();caret.keystroke("Please be advised that this incident has been reported and that the responsible parties are being determined. ");
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100 caret.stall(40);
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101 caret.instantly("*****Have a nice day.*****");
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102 caret.stall(60);
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103 caret.instantly("<br><br>Connection to aurellem closed.");
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104 }
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105
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106
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107 $(document).ready(function(){
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108 caret = new Caret();
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109 caret.attach($('body'));
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110 caret.refresh();
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111
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112 error_404();
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113
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114 // blinking cursor
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115 (function(){caret.blink();setTimeout(String("("+arguments.callee+")()"),500);})();
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116 // typing text
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117 (function(){caret.type();setTimeout(String("("+arguments.callee+")()"),40);})();
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118
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119
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120
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121 });
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122
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123 </script>
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124
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125 </head>
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126 <body>
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127 testsetahslkfashdljkasdfhkljasdhflskadfhlksadfhlkasdfhlkajsdfhlkasdfhlaksdfhlkjadfhalkjsdfhkalsdfhlkj
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128 <em>TESERHKSJLDFHKSJLDF</em>
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129 </body>
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130
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131 </html>
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